


The Darkest of Paths

by brodylover



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Grace - Freeform, Hurt/Comfort, Purgatory, Shapeshifter, Skinwalker, Trickster - Freeform, Trueform, Wendigo, angel - Freeform, crazy cas, djinn, mutating
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-03
Updated: 2012-12-03
Packaged: 2017-11-20 04:36:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/581370
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brodylover/pseuds/brodylover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wrote this before season 8, some bits after. Basically my own interpretation of what had happened in Purgatory.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He was alone. For the first time in his life he was truly alone. Everything was dark and cold and horrible and there were eyes peering at him from the depths of the foggy twilight. He couldn't call Dad like he used to, him being dead for all this time. He couldn't call Bobby either, for much the same reason. Sam wasn't there, so he was thankfully safe, but he could not help at all. Even the crazy little angel had vanished.   
Dean was alone in Purgatory.  
He wanted to call out, to shout out his friends name in order to draw him back but he didn't. He stayed quiet. He didn't want to draw more of the things in the darkness to him. He had to find Cas though, he couldn't stand being so completely alone. So, he walked. He didn't know which direction the angel had disappeared to so he just guessed and headed.  
It was a few minutes or years or hours before he picked up on his friends trail. It wasn't faint or old, the body still steaming and twitching. It looked like a dog, a black one, made out of shadows, but the proportions were all wrong. They were the proportions of a man, trapped in the form of a dog. If it weren't for the fact that everything besides Dean and his companion was already dead in Purgatory, he'd think that he was safe from the collapsed carcass.  
He kept going.   
There were a few more of the things, some looking more like dogs than people and a few looking nothing like either thing. Then he found the blood smear.   
"Cas?" he whispered, hoping to alert his friend that he was there, get him to reveal himself. No such luck.  
The smear became a splatter became a trail of drops and he followed them like the hunter he had been trained to be. It had been a long time since he had tracked something like this but the trail was so painfully obvious. It looked like Cas had lost a lot of blood.  
The trail lead to a group of trees that turned away from you as if they were afraid you would hurt them. The brush all had silver leaves with sharp edges and they shuddered to get a bit closer to him, to cut him with their razor leaves. There were more of the bodies here, a lot more, and then Dean heard it.  
It was the sound of ripping and wetness.   
He stood as still as he could, looking around with only his eyes. A few feet away, obscured by the branches of trees and the sharp shrubbery stood a creature, it's back turned from him, tearing at some bleeding meat with its teeth and hands. The thing was fleshless, muscles apparent and wet, reflecting the moon-like orb hanging in the sky. Likenesses of skin and fabric rippled across it, as if it was remembering to be a million different people all at once.   
One of the bloody strips it ripped from its meal was tan and dead, a cloth material other than a living one. It was a stripe of trench coat.  
"Get off him!" Dean growled and the thing turned its head, staring at him. His gun was in his hand as he stepped towards the creature, trying to get between it and Cas. He didn't get a chance to fire, within seconds or minutes the creature was screaming, steam escaping from its nose and mouth. It fell to its side, convulsing for a while before going still.   
Dean wasn't paying attention to it though, he was rushing past it, grabbing onto the bleeding angel on the ground. His gut had been ripped to pieces and there were large gashes through his arms and chest. He was limp and hardly breathing. Tears sprung immediately to Dean's eyes as he cradled Cas's head in his arms, holding it against his chest and rocking him slowly.   
"C'mon Cas." He choked out, "It's not even that bad. It's not even that bad, alright? Cas? Hey, listen to me, I'm going to patch you up, okay? You'll be good as new. I'm going to take care of you, okay? I'm going to take care of you, I've got you, because you'd do that for me, right? You can't go Cas. You can't. You're not allowed. I still haven't forgiven you for what you've done to Sam. You can't go."  
He could hear the things moving again, the carcasses rising back up. Even if you died in Purgatory, you couldn't stay dead it seemed. Whatever Cas had done, it wasn't permanent. Dean groaned as he rose up, hoisting the hardly breathing angel into his arms. Cas's breathing turned into wheezing almost immediately.   
Dean looked around but there was nowhere to go. Everywhere he looked it was just more trees. He needed to get them somewhere secure, somewhere safe, but there was nowhere. This place was so strange and so different.   
All there was were trees.   
As gingerly as he could he hoisted Castiel over his shoulder and moved to one of the thickest trees around. It shirked at the contact but he held onto it firmly, watching to see if any of the downed creatures were on their feet again. They weren't, but they were close.   
The tree didn't want to cooperate but Dean pulled himself up it, his shoulder weighed down with the dripping angel. He only stopped climbing once the creatures were leaping up the side of the tree, failing at gaining any height. They were so small from where Dean stopped, more like Chihuahuas than animal men. He leaned his back against the angry black trunk, legs dangling from the sides of the thick trunk he had perched them on. Cas was lying in his lap, his breathing easier now and his head resting against Dean's chest.   
Dean didn't know what to do. He cursed himself for it. He knew Cas couldn't die, not here anyway, not without an angel blade, but still, he had lost so much blood and what was he doing so far off on his own anyway? He had proved so strongly that he wanted to stay near Dean before, that he would do whatever was in his, very minuscule, power to protect him.   
He had nothing to bandage the wounds with and he was sure that Cas would heal them up with his grace when he woke anyway, it was just a case of him ever waking up. Dean found that all he could do was watch as the creatures tried to climb towards them and stroke his fingers through Cas's dark hair. It seemed to soothe him, even in his unconsciousness.  
It was another timeless moment before Cas woke up, pressed against Dean's chest in the tree. There were more of the things below them, all sorts now and they were all hungry.  
"Dean?" Cas wheezed, "Dean."  
"Yeah Cas." Dean cooed, "I'm here. Everything's going to be okay."  
"No." Cas struggled trying to get away from Dean feebly. His arms were weak as they pressed against him and Dean had to grab onto him to keep him from knocking himself out of the tree, "No. You. You should. Leave me."  
"No Cas. We have to stay together."  
Dark blue eyes shining with pain and holy insanity glared deep into Dean, "No. You have to. Understand. My Grace. Draws them. You are not safe. Around. Me."  
"This is Purgatory! We're not safe alone either. We have to stay together, protect each other. Come on Cas, you're bleeding really bad, please, you need to heal yourself."  
Cas's attention had gone down, resting on the creatures trying to climb the uncooperative tree beneath them. He was no longer paying attention to Dean or their plight. His mind had wandered into that strange area of madness that it had been so commonly on Earth. That wasn't good. Dean needed him to be sane here.  
"Look at. Them all." He breathed, "Skinwalkers and. Black Dogs and Shapeshifters. And even a. Wendigo. How nice. They are all. Here. to see us. We are. Silly little things."  
Dean put a hand on his shoulder, trying to draw his attention back to what was important.  
"We should. Bring them back. With us. Purgatory. Is not a. Nice place."  
"Cas?" Dean hoped, "I really need you sane right now. Can you do that?"  
"Poison."  
"What?"  
"My blood. Poison. They can't touch me. I'm an. Untouchable."  
Dean stared at him for a moment, as if Dean had just asked him to pole vault in this condition but the serene look slowly melted from his face. It looked like it must be extremely difficult for him to hold onto reality, not having a very strong basis like Sam had.   
"My apologies. Mind. Wanders."   
"I know Cas. You need to heal yourself though. Look, you're a real mess."  
"Can't. Grace draws them. You must not. Be near me. Dean." He looked down at the monsters below and Dean thought he was losing him again, "I have. One order. That I'm still. Following." He turned back to Dean, all seriousness, "Save Dean Winchester."  
Dean's posture straightened as he was taken aback. That was the order Cas had received to save him from Hell. He was surprised that it was still something that Cas thought about, that he still cared about, especially with everything that Dean had done. He had proven himself unworthy of that care and of the title of righteous man so many times, yet here Cas was, still saving him.  
"How are you supposed to save me if I'm not allowed around you?"   
"Do. You still. Have your lighter?"  
Dean patted his jacket, finding it easily, "Yeah."  
"Start a fire if you. Need me." He instructed.  
"That's it?" Dean didn't want to leave him, he wanted to stay there, but Cas wasn't giving him an opportunity to, "But, Cas-"  
Cas touched his fingertips to Dean's forehead and he was gone.

He was on the outskirts of the strange forest. He hadn't been zapped far, but he was still out of reach of Cas. He could see great shadows and creatures in the darkness, all heading towards where he had been, all heading towards Cas.   
He wanted to follow them, wanted to get right to where Cas was, to save him, but there would be no point to that. If he tried all of these things would rip him to shreds and eat them. If he somehow survived that and climbed back up to Cas, the angel would just zap him away again.   
There was a small gasp in the depths of the woods and a bolt of light which Dean could only assume was Cas's Grace. Good, he must have healed himself, or disintegrated all of those things, or something. Whatever it was, he was being proactive.  
He hadn't been lying though, his Grace did draw them. The ground was quaking as the dark things raced towards the forest. There were all sorts and they ignored Dean as they ran, some brushing past with sticky ooze and a few running into him. They were all here for Cas and with this many it wouldn't be possible for that tree to save him.   
Dean was knocked to the ground by a pale humanoid that was all emaciated and teeth and hands and the others were trampling him. He wanted up. He needed to get up. He had to save Cas.   
He didn't realize that he was screaming out the angel's name until a hand grabbed him firmly by the arm and they were elsewhere.

He was on a hill, looking down at the forest below. He was out of harm's way. It didn't feel like it though and he could see that the creatures hadn't stopped their pursuit, still heading into the dark forest, so it wasn't Cas who had zapped him.   
He looked around, not sure if he'd been saved or captured and was surprised by the figure he saw. What he could see of it was beautiful. It kept moving, kept hiding it's face from him, and it was twitching like a junky needing a fix, reminding him once again of Sam when his blood addiction was getting really bad (God, Sam. Was he okay? Would he know what to do without Dean? Would he try to save them? Dean hoped that he would, but he didn't want to hope too hard. Sam was his brother, sure, but he had a lot of shortcomings and they were becoming more and more evident. Still, Dean couldn't help but worry about him. Couldn't help but love him.), but it was beautiful. It had too many arms, it looked like six but it was hard to tell with the way that they kept moving around. It also had six wings, greens and purples and small like a hummingbirds.   
"Do you have any sugar?" it asked and it had two voices. One that was like a man, full of mischief and cool composure but with a spike of panic from need and one like a bird or a song, higher pitched and weaving itself into a harmony with its human voice. "Please, please tell me you do."  
Dean wasn't sure; he usually had something being a bit of a sweet tooth himself, so he patted down his pockets. He had his salt, his knife, his lighter, some lighter fluid, a lollipop, his wallet, his gun, some salt, a packet of ketchup, some bandages, a cough drop, a rosary, and a pocket book of Latin. He tossed the lollipop to the pacing and jerking thing and it caught it with one of its many hands before shoving it into his mouth and sighing loudly.  
"Ah, humans. Sometimes I love you." It mouthed around its candy.  
There was a yelp and Dean looked back down the hill, seeing all the little creatures fighting over who could get to the angel.  
"You can't do anything for him, kiddo." The thing must have read his mind, "And don't think your pretty boy angel is going to save you either."  
Dean didn't say anything for a while before a thought dawned on him. He felt stupid. He should have realized it immediately.   
"Are you an angel?" he asked.  
"What's an angel?" it replied, shrugging, "I'm not an angel. You're not an angel. Angels don't exist. Not down here. Labels don't fit unless you're a living, breathing, thingy. I have wings. I don't like them. They don't fit right. I keep pulling them out but they keep growing back."  
"They're a good looking set of wings." Dean tried to console.  
"Meh. They're big and their cumbersome and they get in the way. I miss the way I used to look."  
There was rustling around them and Dean realized that they were not alone. There were shapes approaching them, more stealthy and shadowy than the ones coming for Cas.   
"Uh, we're not alone." He interrupted, hoping that the thing beside him would do something about the approaching danger.  
"Whatever." It shrugged.  
So it was up to Dean. There were too many of them though, at least ten and Dean didn't want to waste his bullets. Who knows when he might need them? He reached for his knife before remembering and thus skipped them for his lighter and some fluid. Cas had said to start a fire, but Dean had nothing to burn. He had fuel though, so he could turn anything into a fire.   
He sprayed the fluid at one of the creatures before flicking his lighter and tossing it over. The shadow burst into flames and howled, running in its pain. The others were scared off by its baying and the heat emanating from it. Seemed like Dean wouldn't need Cas after all.  
Still the angel appeared. He was in perfect condition, physically, and he stood before Dean although his eyes were over his shoulder. He was staring at the thing that had saved Dean from the stampede.  
"Hey there." It waved.  
"What are you doing with Dean?" Cas growled, stepping towards it.  
"You weren't using him." It shrugged, "He had candy."  
"You shouldn't even be here."  
"Well, I'm dead. I belong here more than you do."  
"Leave, Gabriel. I don't want to see you anywhere near Dean."  
"Good luck with that." It chuckled before vanishing.  
Gabriel? The Trickster, Gabriel? Cas's brother? Of course, it was obvious! Dean really must have been the stupidest creature in all of Purgatory. It made him feel bad though, it was his fault that the angel was here in Purgatory. If it hadn't been for him he would never have stood up to Lucifer so needlessly. Wouldn't have been killed off so easily. He could have stayed, could have helped them kill Lucifer without losing Sam's soul and mind.  
"Cas." Dean stepped forward, one hand extended.  
"You wish we were to remain together." Cas coldly stated, sounding very much like the old Cas, "I can see your point, although I will be the reason you are hunted."  
"I'll be hunted either way."  
"I know that I am a broken tool and that you see me as such, but I do want to keep you safe. I was foolish to think that disobeying your desires would result in any way other than you calling me to your side almost immediately."  
He seemed a bit shaken up from seeing his brother here. Everything in Purgatory is a monster after all. "Cas? You okay?"  
"I will remain with you if that is what you wish."   
"It is. Hell. You have to be around when I finally get around to forgiving you."  
Cas almost smiled at that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean thinks he's out of Purgatory, but Cas didnt make it.

Dean was tired of walking. His muscles were aching and his feet were sore and he was hungry and he was tired and he was sweaty and he wanted a beer and he wanted to complain but he didn't. Cas was leading him through Purgatory and it seemed so evident that he was doing everything in his power to stay on topic that Dean didn't dare to distract him. He had been mostly sane since they came to Purgatory, only having a few random outbursts of his recent insanity, but it was taxing on him. Dean knew that Cas was still just as crazy as he had been, but he couldn't show it, he had to keep it inside.   
"Where are we going?" Dean asked, maybe for the twentieth time.  
"We're looking for somewhere safe." Cas growled, growing tired of the question.   
Dean knew that. Of course he knew that. But there was nowhere safe in Purgatory. Everywhere there were monsters. They had been lucky so far, only having to fight them off a few times. They were watching from the shadows though and there were so many shadows.   
They had found a cave but it was full of ghouls and they had only barely been able to get out of there with Cas's mojo. The trees didn't like them and wouldn't let them climb their branches for shelter or rest. There were no houses or buildings for them to enter either, there being no need for them in this land of the dead.  
Dean didn't really care anymore if the safe spot was really safe. He was ready to just kill whatever was in the next cave or cavern or under hanging and take it for themselves. He just wanted to eat something and go to sleep.   
"Cas?" he pointed and the angel followed the direction. There was a small cavern, not tall enough for either to stand up straight in on the other side of a dried up ravine.   
"It may be inhabited." Cas reminded.  
"We can take it."  
"We are capable of dying here, Dean. Whatever is in there isn't."  
"I don't really care, Cas. I say we drive it out, gank it and cut it into pieces and scatter those if we have to. I just need to sleep."  
"I see."   
They walked towards the cavern, Dean drawing his blade. He was serious about cutting it into pieces. It's hard to stop being dead if your body is scattered in little bits. Cas was leading and he did not draw his own blade. He didn't need one though, he had his grace and that was enough of a weapon. He said it would draw more of the things if he used it, so he must have had something else in mind.  
He stopped, his body completely stiff, "Dean. Run. Don't look back. Circle the area in as large a circumference as you can and then return."  
"What?"  
Something was coming out of the cavern. Its skin hung from it loosely, as if it had been draped on the wrong body. It was a pale blue with tattoos curving through it. It's arms were far too long and the fingers were dragging along the ground, the nails like syringes.  
"Go!" Cas shouted and this time he pushed Dean.  
He ran. His legs were no longer tired, his muscles no longer hurt, he was just adrenaline and movement, going as fast as he could. He could hear Cas fighting the thing, his breathing heavy before he was out of earshot of it and then it was screaming. Whatever it was it was killing Cas. It couldn't actually kill him, but it would do everything it could.   
He wanted to turn around, he wanted to go back and save Cas but he couldn't. Cas told him not to even look back. He kept moving. Cas would be fine. He had to be.   
There was a hand on Dean's shoulder.

Dean was sputtering and shaking, a black fluid coming from his mouth, his lungs. There was shouting and then there were hands on him and he looked up, up into Sam's big hazel eyes. Dean was in some sort of black womb that had burst apart and let him back into the real world.  
"Sammy?" he choked.  
"Dean!" his brother exclaimed, hugging him through the nudity and sticky black ooze of rebirth. His sideburns were gone and his hair was short, like when Dean had taken him out from college. It was like he actually wanted to look the part of a hunter now.   
"Whu-where's Cas?" he asked. Cas should be there. If Dean was back in the real world, surely Cas had to be too.   
Sam looked over Dean's shoulder, the enthusiasm and relief draining from his face, "I'm sorry Dean. He didn't make it."  
Dean followed his gaze and saw another black womb, split down the middle. There was a pale and unmoving humanoid lying in the spilled goo in front of it. It could have been Cas, but Dean couldn't really tell. There were no features, no details, none of that thick dark hair or stubble. It was like he wasn't fully cooked.   
Dean dragged himself out of Sam's embrace and slipped in the black liquid, hurrying to Cas's unmoving side. The angel was cold to the touch and he wasn't breathing.   
"I'm sorry Dean." Sam whispered, "I did everything I could."  
Dean could hardly hear him though. He was cradling Cas's half formed face in his hands, the rest of the strange lifeless body in his lap and he was rocking it, tears making pale streaks through the black grime on his face. Cas didn't make it. He wasn't even left in Purgatory. He was dead. He was dead and Dean hadn't even forgiven him yet. He hadn't even apologized for all of the horrible things he had said, for telling him that no one cared about him. He cared. He really did.   
Sam had to pry Dean's fingers from Cas's lifeless body, had to drag him away from the corpse. Dean was fighting, of course he was, he needed to get Cas. He needed to find some way to bring him back to life. He had lost so much; he couldn't handle losing Cas as well.   
Sam wiped him down as best he could with a towel before giving him his old clothes and, once dressed, led him to the Impala.   
"How?" Dean gasped, sitting in the passenger seat of his baby. She was warmer than he remembered, softer.   
"It was an enochian spell. I got it from Crowley." Sam explained. He chuckled as Dean's eye went wide, "Don't' worry Dean, I killed that dick as soon as he was done explaining it to me."  
"Good."  
Sam had barely put the key in the start by the time Dean had fallen asleep.   
He dreamed of Purgatory, of dripping blood, of hanging upside down over a fire, of Cas screaming his name, and of some pale blue, eyeless creature. He dreamed of the last moments there and what they could have become. The dreams melted away into those of the lake where he and his dad had gone fishing when he was eight. Sam had the measles so he was staying with Bobby. It was the same lake he had dreamed of just before Cas had been dragged out of his vessel and back to Heaven all those years ago. It was a good place to dream about. A safe place. The colors were all wrong though, too bright, and there was something dark and evil in the water.  
When he woke up the Impala was parked right outside of a motel. Sam was digging around in the back, grabbing his things.  
"Come on." He smiled. It was good to see Sam smiling, "You get to take the first shower, and it had better be a long one. There's some pie and beers in the fridge for you when you're done."  
"Sam, you know me too well." Dean climbed out of the Impala, using the hood of it to support him. It was strange. Cas was dead and he had felt so horrible about it. Now he was gone but so were those feelings. It must have been shock or exhaustion or maybe the sorrow he had felt was being too covered up by his joy of being back, of really being out of Purgatory.   
The next few days were good, great even. In comparison with Purgatory, Dean was in Heaven. It was all beer and pie and burgers and one night stands and Japanese porn. Sam didn't ask him about Purgatory and Dean didn't ask him about life on the outside. They didn't go on any hunts, they just hung out. It was like they were living a normal life, not the life they had had.  
There didn't seem to be any hunts to have anyway. Dean checked the newspapers, looked online, and everything seemed to be fine. It may have been a bit too quiet but he didn't care. It was good. They needed a break every once in a while and he wanted to be completely sure that he was okay after Purgatory before getting back on the game. He was still having that dream though, the dream about bleeding in Purgatory over a fire, Cas calling out to him. Whenever he seemed to get a handle of what the dream was about it seemed to change though, return to something nicer, something he'd dreamed before when life wasn't complicated.   
On the fifth day Dean was working on the Impala. The brakes had been squealing and while it was annoying, it wasn't a hard fix. It was good though. Dean loved to work on her, keeping her in mint condition. It helped him think.   
He was underneath her with a wrench when he heard a dripping. He started to look over her underside but he couldn't see where it was coming from. Nothing was leaking anywhere. Then there was a groan and something heavy fell to the ground beside him.   
Dean wrestled his way out from underneath his car and fell to the bleeding forms side. It was Cas! Beck from the dead, Cas. Fully dressed and fully formed, but bleeding horribly, ripped from shoulder to gut with four deep claws. His face had been beaten in and there were many other little gashes and punctures through him, causing his breathing to be harsh and interrupted by blood filled coughs. Dean grabbed onto him, touched his face, touched every part that didn't look like it would hurt, just making sure Cas was really there.  
"Cas? What. You were dead." Dean smiled. Yes, Cas was hurt, but he was alive. It was better than anything that Dean could have hoped for.   
Cas grabbed onto Dean's shoulder a little bit too tightly and stared deep into his eyes. "Dean. I was never dead. Where do you think we are?"  
"We're in Nevada. Sam and I are staying here at the Discount Motel. What are you talking about? I saw your body, you were dead."  
"He still is." came a cold and still voice from behind them. Dean turned, looking up at Sam. He held the colt in his hand and was aiming it at Cas.  
"Sam, what are you doing?" Dean pulled himself to his feet.  
"It's a shapeshifter, Dean. I felt that we were being trailed by something, looks like it finally decided to make itself known."  
Cas shook his head, leaning it back on the Impala's side, "If that was true, why would I come in this form? This one is bleeding out and it hurts. If I were a shapeshifter I would not have come as something you deemed dead."  
Sam pistol whipped him then, bringing the colt against his bruised and broken face hard. "Don't lie to me." He snarled, "You've been outside the window for days. You just chose to come like this so Dean would let his guard down."  
Cas ignored Sam, looking over his back at Dean. "Is this Sam? Is it? Would Sam act like this? Does it even look like Sam?"  
Of course it was Sam, it had to be. He was Sam Winchester through and through. But Cas or not Cas was right, Sam wouldn't act like this. He wouldn't pistol whip a shapeshifter, he would shoot it, in private. And as Dean took another look, a really good deep look, he noticed some things that weren't his Sam. Well, they were, just from the wrong time.   
He was a good four inches shorter than Dean remembered and much less muscular. His plaid shirts were gone, a tight fitting t-shirt taking their place. His face was rounder, less worn, less tired. This wasn't the Sam Winchester that had jumped into the pit, dragging Lucifer and Michael down with him. This wasn't the Sam Winchester that saved Dean countless times. This wasn't the Sam Winchester that had killed countless demons with both his weirdo powers and Ruby's knife. This was the Sam Winchester who was in love with a girl named Jess, who had an interview on Monday morning for Stanford, who had a normal life.   
This was the Sam Winchester that Dean had hoped for, not the Sam Winchester he knew and loved.  
"What are you?" he growled.  
Stanford Sam smiled as he turned to him, his gun still aimed at Cas but his eyes not. "I'm your little brother. I'm Sammy. If you want me to be."  
Cas's back arched in pain and he growled back an agonized scream before he vanished from where he was.   
"I want you to be." Dean admitted, "Oh God do I want you to be. I want to be back here. I want all of this to be real. You're a Djinn, aren't you?"  
Stanford Sam shrugged and the world of the motel and the beer and the Impala vanished. They were standing across from one another in a cavern next to a dried out ravine in Purgatory. Dean was aware that he was a little bit too warm, but he didn't care. There was a monster in front of him, wearing Sam's face.  
"I was wondering how long it would take you to figure it out. I mean, really, you've been here before."  
"Twice." He growled.  
And Sam was gone. Instead there was the pale blue thing, its arms scraping the ground. Its skin was so loose that it covered up where its eyes should have been and Dean could see the bones through the flesh. There was hardly anything to the creature. Dean also realized that he was upside down, hanging by his feet over a small fire.  
"Isn't that where you wanted to be, though?" the djinn was still wearing Sam's voice, "Out of this place, with your brother?"  
"I would have died here and lived on there?" Dean asked, "It is tempting. My God how I wish life was as simple as you made it out to be. There was just one thing you had wrong there."  
The djinn tilted its head to one side. Dean turned, looking into the corner of the cavern, where Cas was trying to pull himself off of the ground. All of the damage that Dean had seen in the dream world was still on the angel, but there was a bit more as well. He must have forced his way into the world, only vanishing when the djinn dragged him out.  
"Cas was dead. If you wanted to make a perfect world for me, you wouldn't have killed my best friend."  
Cas grabbed onto the djinn with both hands, one of either side of its head. Where his blood touched its skin it burned and in between it was glowing. Grace began to flow from its eyes and mouth, forcing its way through the folds of skin. It seemed to fill with it before bursting apart.  
Cas was breathing heavily, hardly able to stand and he supported himself on the makeshift rope that was tied around Dean's ankles. He was having a hard time keeping his consciousness and it took him a few tries to get Dean down and out of the way of the small fire. Once he was down, Cas collapsed to the floor.  
"Cas?" Dean grabbed onto him, supporting him by the shoulders.   
"Look Dean," his voice was soft and lacking in his poised sanity, "I'm a waterfall."  
"I see that." Dean's face was wet with the worry he had for his friend, for the perfect death he could have had, for the fact that they were still here in Purgatory, became tears that stained his face, "Now why don't you heal yourself up?"  
"Can't." Cas smiled at him through the pain, "I'm all out of Grace. I'm an empty piggy bank."  
Dean lowered the bleeding angel into his lap, cradling him as he had the fake corpse. "Then we'll wait here. You can heal up when you can. I won't leave you until you're all better."  
Cas looked away from him and emotion without a name on his face. Dean thought it might be fear or care or worry or love. "Did you mean what you said?" his voice was wavering, something between sanity and madness.  
"What did I say?" Dean asked. There were so many things that he had said.  
"About a perfect world. About me being your best friend."  
"Of course." Dean promised, a small smile of reassurance on his grimy face.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean's been hungry and Cas has been feeding him what he can.

He did not approve of Dean's obsession with food. While in the real world it had been irritating, he would not be able to join Castiel until he had eaten and he would often become weak if he did not eat sufficiently. Now that they were in Purgatory though, his needs had grown, become much stronger and persistent. He would complain loudly and constantly, until Castiel would give in and search for some food.   
He did not like the idea of Dean eating things from Purgatory either. You are what you eat, right? Castiel had giggled at that, picturing Dean as a piece of pie and a cold beer. The fruits of Purgatory were all poisonous; Castiel had learned this by sampling them himself, so that only left the creatures that resided there. At least eating them made it so that they couldn't come to life again, but Castiel was afraid that they would make Dean into a monster as well.   
He had noticed the effects already. Dean's vision had gotten better, as had all of his senses and he knew when Castiel was approaching when he was still quite a ways off. He had not begun to physically change though and his mind was still his, so that was a good sign.   
Dean had to stay in the cavern while Castiel went hunting. It was not easy at first, getting Dean to behave, but he did eventually. The angel had told him that it would be safer this way and they would be able to keep the cavern if there was someone there to defend it. Honestly, he wanted Dean safe more than he wanted the cavern safe. He was still wary of being around Dean, as the creatures could smell his Grace and were drawn to it.   
Castiel had found an issue with being away from Dean though. The longer they were apart, the more he started to forget. His mind was already wandering aimlessly, so this was not helpful at all. After what felt like ten minutes or a day he would forget the names and faces of his garrison and the smell of the Impala when he didn't have Dean around to remind him. Twenty minutes or a month and he would forget Sam entirely as well as the feeling of a gun in his hands and the Croatoan virus, and what exactly he was. Only seeing Dean again would return these memories. From the look on Dean's face he felt sure that the human had the same issue.   
He rapped his knuckles on the cavern wall, ignoring the pain of it. The rock of it was rough and it peeled the skin from his fingers easily. He went inside, knowing that Dean would have recognized his knock or at least the smell of him.  
Dean was huddled in a corner, almost asleep. He was almost in a fetal position, turned away from the fire. Castiel placed the meat he had gleaned from the vampire's body over the heat and let it cook, reaching out to Dean and stirring him into full wakefulness. Neither one of them had truly slept since they had arrived in Purgatory and Castiel wished that he could spend his Grace to put Dean into a real sleep, but he couldn't. He didn't have as much Grace as he used too, his regeneration was slowed almost to a stop and he had a feeling that Dean had even realized it.   
The human didn't even wait until the meat was fully cooked before he ripped it from the fire and started to eat it. He tried to ignore Castiel's cold watchfulness but it was hard not to feel the dark eyes on his back. He had turned away, he knew that his friend didn't approve of him eating this stuff but he was so hungry, hungrier than he'd ever been in his life, and with every bite he just felt hungrier.   
"Do you think Sam will get us out of here soon?" he asked for maybe the millionth time.  
"I believe he will try to find a way." Castiel explained, dryly, "Crowley had found a way to open the door, so Sam should be able to at least manage that."  
"What's the first thing you're going to do when we get out of here?" Normally Dean never continued the conversation past that first question, but he had been curious for a long time. There was still a lot about his companion that he did not understand.   
"I believe I will go to a series of diners and watch you decimate the entire species of pie." He wrung his hands in his trench coat, "I would like to attempt an embrace with your brother as well, make things right between us, completely. And I would like to go to the zoo, see all of the animals in their horrible cages, safe from evil. And I would like to make amends for what I have done."  
Dean swallowed hard. In his mind Cas had already made amends, he had taken the insanity from Sam and it was clearly still affecting him. He would start muttering to himself, his eyes glazed over and when Dean would listen in it would all be in the language of angels and he could not understand it. Dean had not forgiven him though, not verbally anyway. He was holding it over Cas's head, using it to keep them together, to keep Cas fighting.   
"I'd like to eat every piece of pie in the state," Dean smiled, "watch some porn, drink some beer, make fun of you and Sam hugging like little kids, I'd like to get laid, I'd like to take a long nap, and I'd like to take you to the zoo."  
Cas lit up at that. Yeah, there were definitely a few screws loose in there.   
Dean stood and took a long branch from the fire before walking to the mouth of the cavern. They had a large pile of bleeding twigs and bark, and he spread it before the mouth of the cavern before lighting it with the branch, making a wall of fire at the entrance. It wasn't a great solution, but it kept the monsters of Purgatory out of their cavern while they rested. 

Dean woke in the middle of the night and he had no idea he could be as hungry as he was now. There was some food beside him, a large amount, but he could hardly see it. Yes he could see in the dark now but his hunger blinded him. Cas must have gone out hunting while he slept and caught something, knowing how hungry he would be. It didn't matter that it wasn't cooked, Dean would eat it regardless. But what he wanted more than the flesh was the blood and that surprised him at first. He had eaten a vampire earlier though and, while he hadn't grown fangs, this was probably just a side effect.  
He drew his knife and sliced into the meat and he thought it may have been coming back to life, as the muscles tensed under his blade. He ignored it. He would just kill it again before it had the chance to come fully back to life and then he would cut it up, cook it, and eat it. He put the cut to his mouth and started to drink, the blood hot and wet and filled with a strange warmth and it was actually filling him. He had been so hungry and everything was making him hungrier, and this was actually making him full. He'd have to ask Cas what he had caught as this was actually doing the trick, giving him what he needed.  
The food was wriggling know, trying to pull away, but Dean ignored it, pulling the limb taut and continuing to drink. Still, the thing pulled and he thought he heard his name being whispered in the darkness. He pulled back and there was a loud snapping sound as the limb broke. There was a pained cry and it sounded despairingly human but instead of the food giving in it fought harder, pressing a hand to his forehead and trying to pry him off.   
"Dean." He heard Cas whimper, actually whimper, and he wondered where he was. He sounded to be nearby. "Dean! Please!"  
He sounded hurt and in trouble, wherever he was, and Dean hoped that there was a second of these things that he was draining dry. That would be good. They could keep it with them and Dean could feed anytime he needed to. No more being hungry.   
"Dean!" Castiel was screaming and he knew he should get up and help him but this blood, God, it was filling him with light. It was like some kind of aphrodisiac and crack and alcohol all at the same time, he couldn't even think straight.   
Then there was something fast and hard and fidgety crashing into him, knocking him off of the blood that had been filling him so readily.   
He wasn't sure if the thing before him was a man or a bird but he knew it was all Gabriel. Six hummingbird wings sprouted from his back and there were feathers growing spottily through his skin, even framing his face. His eyes were glowing gold and he looked like a wreck, more in need of a hit than the last time they had seen him. He was chewing on the talons that may have once been his fingers as he paced, hopped, and jerked around.   
Behind him was Dean's meal. It was lying on the ground, pale and shivering, even with the tattered overcoat over his thin shoulders. Cas? Dean's heartbeat was thundering in his ears as he realized just what he had done. No wonder the blood had been so intoxicating, so full of glorious warmth and light. It was the blood of an angel. He had attacked Cas, his only friend in this place, because surely he couldn't trust Gabriel, and had been drinking his blood! He really was a monster.   
But why had Cas smelled so much like food?  
"Gabriel…" Cas threatened but his voice was so weak it was like a mouse trying to threaten a lion.  
"Shut it bro, okay?" Gabriel snapped, "I know you hate me for last time I saw you, I mean I don't blame you. I dropped you into a whole mess of angry demons, I won't forget, but I just saved your ass so you can just sit still a second."  
"Cas I." Dean muttered but there were tears streaming down his face and he couldn't say it. He had to apologize; he had to find some way that this would all be okay. There wasn't one though.   
"Dean." Gabriel was jerking and walking towards him now, "You have to protect my brother, okay? He's the only thing keeping you, well, you, and he's been keeping you alive this whole time. I know you're hungry. Fuck, look at me, of course I know what you're going through. But if you're going to make it through this and, I trust, you're planning on breaking out of here fully alive, you're going to have to keep each other safe."  
"How?" Dean pleaded, his eyes stuck on Cas's pale frame, "How can I keep him safe when I want to eat him? Why do I even want to eat him?"  
The hummingbird angel put a frantic hand on Dean's shoulder and he could feel it trembling, electricity just under the skin, "You've been eating monsters, so you've been getting their appetite. Cas knew that would happen, he's been sprinkling your food with his blood to keep it from changing you. So yeah, he smells scrumptious! And I can make you not want to eat him, but you won't like it."  
Dean closed his eyes. He didn't care what it was, he had to have it done. "Do it."  
Gabriel touched two clawed talons to Dean's forehead and he felt the surge of power he had felt coming from Cas dozens of times. Then he was on his knees, trying desperately not to throw up on Gabriel's shoes. After three bucket loads of bile and blood and who knew what else, the nausea subsided slightly. He knew that he wasn't really done though, there was a lot more that would come up later.  
Gabriel touched Cas and the color flooded his cheeks once more.   
"So, I have to know." Gabriel asked, helping his little brother to his feet, "Did you get my message?"  
"Casa Erotica?" Dean clarified. "Yeah, we got it. It worked too. Sam jumped into the pit with Lucifer riding shotgun."  
"Sam said yes?"  
"Yeah, but Cas got him out of Hell."  
"All by yourself?"  
"Yes." Cas nodded, "But I broke him, let the memories of Hell drive him insane."  
"You took that brokenness into yourself."  
"Yes. I had to make things right."  
Gabriel raced back to Dean and for a moment he was afraid that the archangel was going to smite him, there was so much anger in his face. Instead he whispered into Dean's ear and the whispered bit like wasps, "You better treat my brother like a king for what he's done for you. He dragged you out of Hell when the army of our brethren fell, he rebelled against our family, lost everything, so you could stubbornly say no to Michael, he went to Hell alone, into Satan's cage itself for your brother, and then he went insane for you. I've seen the way you treat him. You show no respect, treat him more like a sick child and an errand boy instead of the angel that he is. If you don't shape up, if you don't show him the love he needs and deserves, I will make you wish you'd never been raised from perdition."   
And then he was gone.  
Dean threw up.  
Cas put his hand on Dean's shoulder. The touch was light as if he would remove it at any moment, afraid of what Dean may do. Cas, an angel, afraid of a stupid little human? Dean really was the lowest of the low, a worst monster than any out there. Even if it hadn't been for Gabriel, he would have thrown up at the thought.  
"We should go." Cas stammered, "Gabriel used a large amount of Grace here before vanishing, the cavern is no longer a safe refuge. They are coming."  
"Yeah." Dean wiped his mouth as best he could with his sleeve. "Cas?"  
"Yes Dean?"  
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You should go without me. I don't deserve any of the things you've done for me. I'm just… I can't be what you need, what you want."  
"You are all that I have faith in, Dean. It was my fault that you acted as you did. I did what I felt was best for you without consoling you first. It is the same as when I swallowed those souls to win my war and protect what you had done. I have not learned my lesson. It is understandable if you detest me."  
That hit Dean like a sack of dead Gorgon. He hate Cas? No. it should have been the opposite. Cas should hate him not the other way around.  
"You did what you felt was right." He promised, putting a hand on Cas's shoulder, ignoring how the angel flinched at the contact. He'd have to fix that later, "I'm the problem. I'm weak. I'm just an idiot human."  
"We should go." Cas's eyes fell to his feet. It was rare when he avoided eye contact.  
"Yeah."  
They could hear the baying of Wendigo and the screeching of witches as they ran from the cavern.


End file.
